utoTIA - the World of *Creatiia

ME

2012-02-01T11:47:00.002+07:00

USELESS
WASTE
GARBAGE
FORGOTTEN
NOT EXIST
INVISIBLE

Dilupakan

2012-01-21T20:33:00.001+07:00

Kau sudah berhasil... Kau melupakan aku... Tidak, aku tak membencimu... Sebab cita-citamu tercapai. Tapi dilupakan, sedih sekali...

-Hisako (Pengantin Demos 8)

I'm Bu-sy

2012-01-12T17:03:00.000+07:00

Hello world,

Lately I'm drowning in the business. Yes, I am so busy that I rarely open and update my blog. My business are:

I'm still doing my internship as HSE Admin (I just happen to know that from one of the staff when there was an induction. I was being introduced as that). As usual, I'm doing the translation and reformatting job there. It's not boring anyway, and lately I'm getting used to the environment here. I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the coworkers and just today, I was having lunch together with other 5 female coworkers. :D
I'm also busy with the NACASA Project, FYI, I'm the creative director of a fashion brand name NACASA. You can visit it here. We're going to join the NEXT LEVEL by RESVOGUE on 27-29 January 2012 at Sampoerna Strategic. So, if you're free please come and join us there!
And I'm still STUCK on my past internship report. Grr. My guidance counselor sucks. No, I don't say that he's bad. He's good, he even suggest me many materials for the report, but... Err.. We're time-constrained, but he still insists to be soo picky. Please, Sir. :(
And in 2012, finally I'm starting to enjoy being by my own. Yes. No more sad, sorrow, or any gloomy things anymore. I'm finally free. And I'm happy to declare that I'm happy! :D And now I can enjoy myself and not depends on anyone just to be happy.
Later, I'll post my resolution, since on 2011 I didn't have any. Well, I was such a wreck in 2011. Let's start fresh for 2012! Woohoo!

Hugs and Kisses,

Happy 2012!

2012-01-04T12:53:00.003+07:00

Finally, I feel nothing.
Fresh start for the new year. Happy New Year everyone!

Trapped in the Glory of Childhood

2011-12-30T18:19:00.000+07:00

I miss being a child.

Hari Ibu: Cerita tentang Mama

2011-12-23T10:48:00.000+07:00

Kemarin, tepatnya 22 Desember 2011, semua orang mulai heboh membicarakan dan (mungkin) merayakan hari Ibu. Entahlah, mungkin memang ada yang salah dengan saya, atau memang pandangan saya memang benar adanya.

Saya sama sekali tidak tersentuh dengan berbagai macam ucapan, tweet, status, ataupun pesan yang disampaikan oleh orang banyak tentang hari Ibu ataupun tentang Ibu mereka. Saya tidak bilang bahwa saya tidak sayang dengan Ibu saya. Saya sayang. Tapi dengan cara saya sendiri.

Makin lama, saya justru makin muak dengan banjir "hari Ibu" kemarin. Saya memilih untuk diam dan tidak mengucapkan selamat hari Ibu sama sekali. Toh, hampir setiap mendengar suaranya di telepon nafas mulai sesak dan mata berair.

Saya mengucapkan selamat hari Ibu hanya dalam hati. Berharap semua yang Mama (panggilan saya untuk Ibu saya) harapkan dan butuhkan dapat terpenuhi. Saya sering sekali kebingungan mau memberi apa pada Mama. Kalau ada uang lebih, percayalah, saya lebih sering terpikir membeli sesuatu untuk Mama, Papa, Abang, dan seseorang. Tapi saya tahu bahwa yang Mama mau itu bukan barang, bukan juga uang (walau Mama sudah biasa bercanda "bagi dong duitnya.."). Sekarang saya paham, yang orang tua mau itu adalah supaya anaknya bisa hidup lebih baik daripada mereka.

Sedikit curhat nih :p

Saya terlahir di keluarga sederhana yang sudah terbiasa hidup hemat. Sangat hemat malah (paling tidak di mata orang-orang sekitar). Papa saya seorang pensiunan BUMN yang sekarang membuka usaha Tour&Travel, Mama adalah seorang ibu rumah tangga. Jalan pembuka hidup saya adalah beasiswa penuh untuk berkuliah S1 yang sampai sekarang masih saya jalani. Itu mungkin kado pertama saya buat mereka. Kado kecil dibandingkan dengan yang sudah mereka berikan.

Bicara tentang Mama, beliau itu orangnya mirip sekali sama Abang saya. Baik, fisik maupun sifat. Saya, katanya waktu kecil cetakannya Papa, tapi makin gede, jadi gak jelas (gak mirip siapa-siapa). :D

Soal sifat, sama, campur-campur juga. Blended. Nah, saya sama Mama itu hubungannya gak seperti Ibu-Anak, bukan juga Kakak-Adik, saya dan Mama itu seperti Teman. Sering sekali berantem, sering juga bercanda gelitikan dan guyon gak jelas. Selera berpakaian? Hampir sama. Hmm.. Apalagi ya. Banyak deh.

Mama itu orangnya pembersih. Risih sekali sama berantakan dan barang nganggur. Salah satu sumber keributan di rumah saya ya ini. Sifat saya dan Papa yang sayang banget sama barang, sementara Mama sukanya membuang barang secepatnya jika menurut dia sudah gak berguna.

Mama saya mendidik anak-anaknya dengan cara yang unik. Yang menurut saya bisa menjadikan saya orang yang mandiri dan fleksibel. Mama saya gak pernah melarang atau membuat aturan-aturan yang panjang lebar. Saya ingat sekali omongan Mama yang ini:

"Mama gak mau ngelarang ini itu, kalian tau mana yang bener mana yang salah"

Sejak kecil, saya dan Abang sudah diajarkan untuk mandiri dan bertanggung jawab. Percaya gak sih waktu saya kecil (balita), waktu saya pup di kasur, saya disuruh membersihkan dan mencuci celana sendiri saat itu juga (tengah malam)? Hahahaha. Lucu kalau diingat. Tapi memang kata orang-orang juga waktu kecil, saya dan Abang itu kalem, nggak nyebelin. Anteng... Sampai jadi cucu favorit loh *bangga*

Tapi memang ada saat-saat dimana saya merasa bahwa Mama terlalu cuek, seolah gak sayang sama anaknya yang gak mirip sama dia ini *nyudut di pojokan* Nah, oleh karena itulah, saya suka senang dan bersyukur kalau saya sampai sakit parah seperti waktu kena gejala Tifus dan operasi bedah mikro rekonstruksi kemarin. Mama saya sampai terbang ke Jakarta buat nemenin saya yang tergeletak lemas kena Tifus di kosan. Dan waktu saya sadar setelah operasi, yang saya lihat itu wajah Mama yang lagi nangis, khawatir. Ah, beneran nangis ini *untung orang sebelah lagi gak ada* Beginilah, saya sekarang jadi bener-bener sensitif kalau bicara tentang Mama. Soalnya kemarin sebelum saya balik ke Jakarta, sempet berantem dan belum baikan. Hiks.

Maaf ya Ma, Selamat hari Mama! :D

*maaf panjang dan ngalor ngidul*

PMS Notes

2011-12-15T23:02:00.001+07:00

I wish this ability to read people can disappear forever so that I won't be bothered anymore.
Somehow I find myself in the middle of assumption and facts.
Between intuition and feelings.

And you're always be the one who pull off the trigger out of me.

Thought: Women

2011-12-15T11:47:00.000+07:00

Since we all came from a women, got our name from a women, and our game from a women. I wonder why we take from women, why we rape our women, do we hate our women? I think its time we killed for our women, be real to our women, try to heal our women, cus if we don’t we’ll have a race of babies that will hate the ladies, who make the babies. And since a man can’t make one he has no right to tell a women when and where to create one.

-Tupac Shakur

This is, brilliant. What about you, gentlemen?

Welcoming the Newborn: Milo!

2011-12-14T11:42:00.001+07:00

So, on November 11, 2011, was born a very cute guy in Palembang. His name is Camillo Fayyadh Jamail. You can call him Milo for short (cute nickname, yes?) He is the very first son of Kak Man and his wife. Just so you know, Kak Man is my cousin from my Dad's side. He was living with us for years that we consider him as sibling. Besides, he's addicted to fashion just like me. :p

Unfortunately, I haven't had the chance to meet this cute tiny guy face to face due to my study and internship in Jakarta. I only got the pictures from Kak man and his wife; Kak Lily. And I bet that he resembles his Daddy just too much! Haha. Anyway, he has my forehead here xD

at least he's lucky to have a pointy nose, unlike me ;(

I want to pinch his cheeks! (>.<)

So, I guess I'm officially become an aunty now! Can't wait to meet you, soon Milo! :*

Selamat Ulang Tahun Mama!

2011-12-13T16:57:00.001+07:00

Hari ini, 13 Desember 2011, Mama saya berulangtahun yang ke 51 tahun! Hore!

Mungkin hubungan gue sama mama itu gak terlihat sebagai ibu-anak, lebih ke temen. Karena itu, kita sering banget berantem. Cuma karena hal kecil kadang, kayak mama lagi kumat tekanan darah tingginya, gue yang lagi PMS, dll. And do you know what? I always do feel that maybe, she loves my brother much more than me. But it doesn't really matter anymore, all I know is that every time I'm crying, my mouth automatically calls her name. Every time. I know that I'm not as beautiful as you are, as you were, when you were young. I know you're upset because I'm fat, I don't reflect your appearance. And I know that it's because you just want me to be the best. I'm still trying, Mom. I always.. (Agh! My eyes getting wet)

I know you seldom praise me. You always be skeptical to me every time I tell you about my accomplishment. I remember you only bought me one small pack Yuppie Candy: Hamburger one, when I got 1st rank during my elementary year. I remember you look away when I came home telling you and Dad that I got the highest TOEFL Prediction Score in my English Course during senior high school. But I know that somehow, you're proud of me. I overheard you praising me in front of family & relatives or your friends. I know. But I want to keep trying until you say it to my face that you are proud of me. You are grateful that I am your daughter.

Happy Birthday Mom, my only wish is that I can make you proud. Someday, I will, Mom.

Always take care of your health, and watch me making you proud. You'll never regret having me as your daughter.

(You know, if I suddenly write in English, that means I'm afraid to say it in Indonesian since I will feel cheesy :[)

Irony

2011-12-08T23:49:00.001+07:00

I'm shivering. And no one wants to know. Everybody's busy wanting to be heard. But no one's willing to hear.

My Personality Chart

2011-12-07T11:18:00.000+07:00

Is it true?
If you're interested to try it, then just click here.

ON|OFF ID 2011

2011-12-03T18:06:00.003+07:00

booth Acer

Petunjuk Arahnya Lucu! Colorful!

pas foto I

pas foto II

ngabisin tempat deh hahaha

Performance Aji

*_*

berat loh ini -_-

Salah satu kelas. Ini sesi @pengajarmuda

I'm wearing this shoes!

my doodle

Pose demi goodiebag dari @lintasME dan @blogIMO

Lagaknya

Booth Acer juara deh buat nongkrong! Selain browsing, bisa numpang charge :p

Booth PiknikAsik - ada @rahneputri yang ramah sekali

Cukup isi buku tamu, dapet Wingko! :9

Jajanan Khas Lampung ^^

Sumpah ya, selain gede BANGET, topi ini juga berat BANGET

Suka topinyaaa

Paling suka sama boothnya Coins for Chance ini! Celengan Gratis!

Mejeng dulu

ASEAN Blogger from Brunei Darussalam

ini dia Acer Aspire S3 yang bikin ngiler saking tipisnya

See you next year!

*ps: ceritanya belakangan yak, dikejer deadline nih :p

How are you there?

2011-12-02T00:11:00.002+07:00

It has been a long time since I saw you.
I haven't talked to you as much as in those old days.
Do you know that every time I hear your voice, I start to crack mine?
Happy or sad, I always ended up with tears in my eyes.
They say being apart from your beloved ones will make you value them more.
Now I can say that it's true.

I know I never said this before, even in person.
But I'd like you and the rest of the world to know that..

I love you, Mom. Always.

Magang #5 : Nyampah

2011-11-30T16:17:00.000+07:00

Oke, baru hari kelima tiba-tiba males kumat. Semuanya jadi males. Translate males sampe ngeblog pun males. Hoh. Jadi hari ini gak ada cerita spesial sih. Paling makan siang hari ini gue beli sendiri (biasanya udah bawa dari kos atau titip beli ke OB) karena ketinggalan.

Karena males ngomong sama mas-mas OB, gue lebih memilih turun ke bawah dan ngesot ke jajanan samping kantor. Pusing sih, tapi untungnya gue udah menetapkan hati buat makan bakmi Bangka. Bedanya apa sama bakmi biasa? Menurut mas Ramli aka OB kantor gue yang pake eyeliner lebih heboh dari gue itu, bakmi Bangka itu bakmi Cina gitu (I know it, but I can't explain it clearly, anyone?). Dan tentu saja gue lebih suka bakmi ala Cina daripada bakmi gerobak pada umumnya. Biasanya lebih higienis dan ayamnya lebih 'nyata' (gak kayak di bakmi ayam gerobakan yang banyakan ayam palsu daripada yang asli). Alhasil, gue pun menemukan warungnya dan melirik ke daftar menunya.

Oh ternyata si OB mengambil untung seribu per pesanan buat bakmi Bangka ini (maklum gue rada sensitif sama duit). Padahal toh, bukannya kerjaan ini udah dicover sama gajinya ya? Ah sudahlah. Lain kali memang lebih baik beli sendiri. Bukan karena pelit barang seribu-dua ribu, tapi karena semenjak magang ini gue sangat kurang gerak. Gerak paling juga ke pantry sama toilet. Gerak ke pantry kan buat isi perut, jadi sebenernya gak bisa diitung 'gerak' sih :p . Jadi sekalian liat-liat dan coba makanan lain, sembari olahraga juga kan? Hihihihi.

Mbak Nanaaaa, ngantuk nih.

Magang #4: Makan lagi, lagi-lagi makan

2011-11-29T17:23:00.001+07:00

KENYANG. Dapet Cheese Cake (lagi), 'nuff said.

Hi Attention Whore!

2011-11-28T02:23:00.001+07:00

Lately I realize that I haven't been crying nor in misery for quite a time. Thanks to the internship plus the papers, I'm too busy to regret my past life. I need to work my butt off; working on translation, working on the microeconomic paper, finishing my internship report, and still HAVE FUN.

Really, having fun is somehow tiring for me. But I have to, because if I skip it too many, then I'll be having a dull life. But lately, I've been a bitch. Well, I know that I'm always be a bitch, but nowadays I think I enjoy this too much. Being soo straightforward and having mood swings? I guess it's part of the transitions to the working life. Hope I can adjust soon.

Anyway, I've been disturbed by someone who's currently trying to copy me. Especially my blog. I'm not trying to brag since my blog is not that popular that people will follow and copy what I've done. I guess it has something to do with personal issues. I have a strong feeling about this, and it happens really often that my feelings are going to happen.

Dear copycat,
I don't know whether you like cat or not, but obviously, copying me is not a good option. You can't be me. And I don't want to be you. Yikes. And since I don't want to be you, please don't try to be me. It makes you even more pathetic. You think you can get something by trying to be me? Well, I guess you're just another attention whore, then.

Really, I hate the way you talk like me, write like me, even post something to the social media like me. And what makes it so obvious is your frequency of it. Fuck it, I'm obviously disgusted by you.

I don't know whether you're just that insecure. Well, someone's says this might be because what you have now, wasn't really yours yesterday. So, enjoy your treasure. But you gotta remember, you can take it, but never really own it.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

Thought-Provoking Question

2011-11-26T23:26:00.000+07:00

Lately I've been thinking about some thought-provoking questions wandering around my head. Some of them are available on the internet, at some websites, but some of them just popped out from my head. I've been thinking of sharing it here anyway, so I'd like to share it with you on my next post, me answering the thought-provoking question and give the argument about my answer. Hope it will enrich your knowledge and fill up the gap between your head. And yes, don't forget to leave comment arguing about your own answer toward the questions posted here, I'll be more than happy to have that. :)

Magang #3 : Batik

2011-11-25T14:13:00.002+07:00

Karena buru-buru, post kali ini berisikan foto-foto aja dan sedikit sekali tulisan. Hihi, karena ini hari Jumat, tentu gue mencoba pake batik ke kantor. Hoho. Oh ya, hari ini gue juga sangat beruntung karena ada dua rekan kantor yang ulangtahun. Jadinya kebagian cheese cake (again!) dan donat J.Co dua biji. Sumpah, blenger banget deh!

di sudut kubikel

hayooo, usernya Riska, lihatlah kelakuan bawahan Anda (hahaha, untung waktu istirahat)

Riska in action!

my work attire

kuku telunjuk kaki kiri item karena ketimpa kaleng -_-

BABAI!

Magang #2 : Ngantuk

2011-11-25T09:54:00.001+07:00

Oke, hari ini hari kedua magang gue. Hari ini bangunnya lebih pagi dari kemarin, tapi tetep telat beberapa menit. :3 Jadi progress translasi dokumen dari kemarin kurang lebih 0.01% lah, soalnya masih butek. Magang dimulai dengan lihat-lihat dokumen dan sortir yang gampang buat diterjemahin dulu. Tapi, seperti biasa, distractions berbanding lurus dengan koneksi internet. Walau sempet lemot macam siput, akhirnya siang hari koneksi membaik dan gue pun menggila buka allkpop dan menemukan artikel tentang Ailee; youtube personality yang sekarang jadi penyanyi beneran dan diduga bakal main di Dream High 2 (baca tentang Dream High disini). Gue pun dengan sabar menunggu video streaming demi dengerin suaranya. And, it was worth waiting! Dia nyanyi "Halo" by Beyonce, dan menurut gue buat ukuran orang yang belum debut, she's definitely wonderful. Yang penasaran sama Ailee bisa langsung mampir di youtube channelnya disini.

Jadi, gue mau sedikit cerita tentang kelanjutan cerita sakit perut akibat kopi sepuluh sendok bebek krimer di hari pertama magang kemarin. Jadi, karena minum kopi yang sedemikian pekatnya, waktu gue pipis pun baunya menyengat kemana-mana, sampe waktu numpang pipis temen gue yang ada di luar kamar mandi pun bisa kecium. -_- Nah, tapi ternyata masalah gak berhenti sampe disitu aja. Tadinya malem habis ngajar les gue mau nonton Breaking Dawn sama Riska di Setiabudi, eh HUJAN. DERES. LEBET. BERTABURKAN PETIR. DUAR! Ah males kan. Akhirnya gue mengurungkan niat nonton. Alhasil gue nangkring di kos anak-anak dan ngendon di kamar Dinda.

Pukul sepuluh gue memutuskan pulang karena sudah kenyang (ehh) dan hujan sudah reda. Gue pun terseok-seok (karena capek to the max) pulang ke kosan menelusuri gang-gang dan lorong gelap jalanan di malam hari. Oke, sampe kosan, gue makin pusing karena kamr gue berantakan sisa UTS (gak sempet beres-beres kamar dan cuci baju). Dan tiba-tiba gue parno besok magang pake baju apa. ZZZ. Akhirnya gue bongkar kardus dan lemari baju. Waktu menunjukkan pukul setengah satu malam. Tiba-tiba pagar kosan gue terbuka, rupanya adik tingkat penghuni kos gue baru pada pulang, dan..... MEREKA NGOBROL KAYAK ORANG DUSUN. Hampir jam 1 dan mereka ngobrol kayak orang budek, kenceng banget dah. Gue karena udah capek ya cuek-cuek aja sebenernya, walau dalam hati pengen banget ngelakban mulut-mulutnya. Beberapa saat kemudian, perut gue bergejolak hebat. Anda semua pasti tau apa yang akan terjadi. Ya, gue sangat perlu, butuh, harus, ke toilet! Seumur hidup gue, baru kali ini gue merasakan gejolak yang begitu besar sampe gue loncat-loncat dan ninju-ninju dinding kamar. Entah kenapa gue malu keluar dan ke toilet karena mereka ngobrol depan toilet. Oh malangnya nasibku. Alhasil gue pu tertidur dalam keadaan meringkuk dan keringet dingin. Sekian.

Nah, kembali ke cerita hari kedua gue magang, setelah gue sukses menderita dini hari tadi, gue gak kapok minum kopi. Akhirnya gue pun mencoba membuat kopi lagi dan tentunya sukses dong! Hahaha. Jadi gue cuma masukin satu sendok teh kopi bubuk hitam, dua sendok bebek milo, 6 sendok bebek krimer, dan dua sendok gula (ini kopi apa bukan sih? ah yang penting perut gue gak protes). Dan tidak tanggung-tanggung saudara-saudara! Gue minum dua gelas (ngelunjak)! :p

another cup of coffee for the sleepy head

Nah, mengenai job desks hari ini, sebenernya gak ada masalah berarti, malah dapet rejeki makanan lagi berupak ayam bakar dari bapak/ibu entah siapa yang bawa ayam bakar buat orang sekantor. Masalah justru datang dari tugas kuliah gue yang paling oke sedunia: Microeconomic for Firm Competitiveness alias Mikroekonomi untuk Persaingan Usaha dengan dosen paling oke juga; Pak Argamaya. Dosennya sih asik, lucu, dan apa ya, seru. Tapi tidak dengan mata kuliahnya. Grrr. Jadi yang pengen gue sumpahin adalah pihak kampus yang memulai Kegiatan Belajar Mengajar (KBM) besoknya setelah UTS selesai. Padahal UTS selesai hari Rabu, kan nanggung dimulai KBM Kamis? Dan bagaimana nanti jumlah pertemuannya? Ah, capek gue sama kampus yang gak jelas administrasinya ini. Jadi, gue memang dikasih tugas paper analisis Harvard Business Review kasusnya Nucor. Alhasil, kemarin otak gue bercabang antara nerjemahin dokumen sama gugling analisis buat paper (ya, gue memang mahasiswa hina yang males analisis sendiri) Untungnya, last minute, masalah selesai, karena kalo gue sampe telat masuk kelas, bakalan disuruh joget. Oke deh.

tersangka pembuat pusing

komplotan tersangka pembuat pusing

Enough for today. Have a good rest all.

Magang #1 : Magang lagi, lagi-lagi magang

2011-11-23T13:36:00.002+07:00

Hai!

Akhirnya setelah sekian lama mencari, berusaha, dan bersabar, gue kembali magang! Hihihi. Setelah kemarin magang di Palembang hanya demi nilai dan laporan kuliah, sekarang tujuan gw magang tentunya adalah mencari segepok uang. Ya, semester tujuh memang rawan galau. Selain galau percintaan, temen-temen gue juga banyak yang galau magang. Kenapa? Ya biasa, sindrom menjelang semester akhir adalah pengen banget kerja atau mandiri secara finansial. Walau kuliah gue gratis tapi tetep aja kan merasa gak enak masih minta duit melulu dan terpaksa nahan laper dan keinginan lainnya karena gak enak minta duit lagi minta duit lagi.

Jadi, gue emang udah sengaja ambil kuliah malam buat semester ini dengan harapan magang lagi. Setelah nganggur selama kurang lebih dua bulan, akhirnya secercah cahaya itu muncul juga. Sang pemberi cahaya tak lain dan tak bukan adalah Riska. Jadi, tempat dia magang sekarang butuh anak magang buat translasi dan reformatting dokumen perusahaan. Gue sih seneng-seneng aja, toh selain dapet gaji, gue bisa sekalian mengembalikan dan meningkatkan kemampuan bahasa Inggris gue yang kebanyakan dianggurin selama kuliah.

Jadi, Selasa kemarin (22 November 2011), gue dipanggil buat wawancara dan voila! Hari ini gue sudah nangkring di sudut kubikel kantor *seruput kupi*. Jadi job desks gue adalah membantu pihak konsultan untuk menerjemahkan dokumen berupa standar prosedur yang memang dirancang dalam dwibahasa, jadi si mbak (namanya mbak Nana, imut deh mbaknya, berasa gue yang lebih tua) ini yang membuat SOP dalam bahasa Inggris, kemudian gue yang menerjemahkan dalam bahasa Indonesia. Nah selain menerjemahkan, gue juga harus memformat ulang SOP tersebut. Gak susah sih, tinggal ikutin template yang udah dikasih aja.

suasana kubikel

Oh iya, kantornya ini bisa dibilang deket dengan daerah kekuasaan gue (daerah kos, kampus, dan sekitarnya), jadi cukup naik Kopaja aja dari Pasar Festival. Dan kabar baiknya adalah, sebelum akhir tahun kantor akan pindah ke Bakrie Tower, yang TENTU SAJA JAUH LEBIH DEKAT LAGI dari kos gw. Selain dekat, gue juga bisa menghemat ongkos karena cukup jalan kaki dan dekat dengan kampus (ngesot dikit udah kampus, ngesot lebih jauh dikit udah ada tempat makan murah).

Suasana kantornya gue suka kok, dan lagi user dan staf lainnya juga ramah dan 'sebaya' wahihi. Jadi, lebih asik kan (maklum tempat gue magang sebelumnya penuh dengan bapak-bapak paruh baya). Pertama dateng gue dijelasin job desks sama mbak Nana, ikut proses induksi sama Mas Guntur, trus mulai mengerjakan tugas deh.

tempat bersemayam gue

Begitu kerja, gue tentunya menemukan kesulitan. Silahkan bilang gue sombong, gak nasionalis, atau apapun (karena gue udah kebal dibilang begitu), tapi gue merasa menerjemahkan bahasa Inggris ke Indonesia itu susah. Kenapa? Karena banyak kosa kata bahasa Inggris yang tidak punya padanan dalam bahasa Indonesia. Semisal nih:

Purpose dan Objective. Kalau diterjemahkan ke dalam bahasa Indonesia, dua kata ini sama. Tapi dalam bahasa Inggris, mereka mirip, tapi punya makna yang berbeda. Dan gue langsung riweh cari padanan kata bahasa Indonesia yang tepat biar mudah dimengerti.

tersangka pembuat sakit perut

Dan tentunya masih banyak lagi kata-kata lainnya yang membuat gue pusing. Hahaha. Oh iya, ada hal gak penting yang mau gue ceritain di hari pertama magang gue ini. Karena ada pantry, yang merupakan salah satu sumber kebahagiaan gue, gue iseng bikin kopi. Dan tampaknya memang gue tidak berjodoh dengan kopi, kejadian-kejadian sebelumnya pun terulang lagi: gue maruk! Gue memang tidak bisa meracik kopi sendiri dan selalu minum kopi instan, alhasil, karena di pantry harus bikin kopi sendiri gue jadi maruk. Gue mulai meramu kopi dengan kopi bubuk hitam, creamer, dan gula pasir. Tampaknya karena kebanyakan kopi bubuk hitam, gue mulai tidak waras dan akhirnya memasukkan SEPULUH SENDOK BEBEK CREAMER ke dalam segelas kopi. Sepuluh sendok bebek saudara-saudara, bayangkan, untung bukan sendok sayur. Dan ironisnya adalah, saat gue kembali ke sudut kubikel buat kerja lagi dan (sok-sokan) nyeruput kopi, rasanya tetep pahit. Pfft. Baru dua teguk pun perut gue mulai berisik.

Tampaknya gue memang harus sadar diri bahwa gue memang alergi kafein. Oh ya, hari ini juga ada yang ulang tahun jadi gue kebagian potongan cheese cakenya. Fufufu. Today's my lucky day, I guess.

cheese cakenya enak!

Semoga magang disini menyenangkan!

tampang bengong kekenyangan

Pengennya

2011-11-20T20:52:00.000+07:00

Entah kenapa tiba-tiba kepikiran ini. Padahal masih UTS. Padahal gw seharusnya mikirin gimana caranya bisa jawab soal UTS Quality Management (QM) dan Managerial Accounting (Cost). Ngok. Mungkin karena QM merupakan mata kuliah yang sangat abstrak dan gw ga cocok sama dosennya. Cost? Otak gw emang gak tercipta buat berhitung dan matematika. Dari jaman SD sampe kuliah nilai pelajaran dan mata kuliah mengandung 'angka' gak pernah beres, jadi ya gw juga gak berharap dan berusaha banyak.

lagaknya belajar :D

Oke, jadi, gw tiba-tiba kepikiran tentang 'hadiah', baik hadiah ulangtahun atau pun hadiah-hadiah lainnya. Selama ini gw sering banget ngasih hadiah ke orang berupa buku (bacaan bukan buku tulis ataupun notes dan definitely bukan buku pelajaran atau textbook). Tapi, seumur-umur, belum pernah rasanya yang ngasih gw buku bacaan. Padahal, jujur, gw berharap bakal dikasih buku juga sih. Bukannya sok pinter ataupun kutu buku, tapi gw suka banget baca (secara umum). Dan akan sangat menyenangkan kalo ada yang ngasih hadiah berupa buku ke gw. Gw dapet perspektif baru setiap baca buku, anything. Bakal lebih girang lagi kalo gw dikasih buku dalam bahasa Inggris. (Lagi) Gw bukan sok pinter bahasa Inggris atau gak nasionalis, cuma berdasarkan pengalaman sih, baca buku dalam bahasa Inggris (apalagi novel fiksi), itu JAUH lebih enak daripada baca terjemahan. Jadi ilfil kan kalo baca karakter yang tadinya punya nama "The Magic Tongue" trus pas baca novel terjemahan jadi "Si Lidah Sakti"? IMHO.

Saat ini sih gw pengen banget punya buku dengan judul di bawah ini, a little bit old, and you can say I'm left behind, tapi gw sih punya pikiran bahwa baca buku itu jangan dari waktu terbit dan nama penulisnya aja, tapi lebih ke isi dan makna yang ada dalam buku tersebut. Nomor dua baru penulis. Hihi.

1. Sophie's World - Jostein Gaarder

Pengen baca buku ini karena sebelumnya khattam baca buku karangan Jostein Gaarder lainnya; Vita Brevis, yang dipinjemin abang saya waktu kita lagi pulang kampung. Karena bagus, gw jadi gugling kan tentang Jostein Gaarder, dan nemu buku-buku karangan dia yang lain. Salah satunya ya, Sophie's World ini. Sayangnya, tiap mau beli (terutama di Palembang ya), pas bener stok bukunya selalu abis. Pas di Jakarta sih gw jarang ke toko buku huhuhu. Jadi singkat cerita, novel ini sebagian besar terdiri dari dialog-dialog antara Sophie, seorang gadis remaja, dan seorang pria misterius bernama Alberto Knox, yang saling terkait dengan plot yang unik dan misterius, novel ini menjadi sebuah novel sekaligus panduan dasar filsafat. Siapapun yang kasih gw buku ini, terutama yang English Edition, gw bakal sangat bahagia! :3

2. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

Buku ini udah sering banget gw liat nangkring di best seller di toko buku disini. Tapi entah kenapa tiap liat ga minat beli (karena pengennya dibeliin :p) Jadi, ceritanya sedikit kontroversial sehingga dianggap pornografi dan sempet banned di USA karena dianggap sebagai 'the filthiest book I have ever read' oleh editor Sunday Express. Ceritanya sih tentang Humbert Humbert,seorang terdidik yang lahir di Paris, yang tertarik secara seksual kepada gadis-gadis kecil berusia 9 sampai 14 tahun yang disebutnya sebagai ‘peri asmara’ (nymphets). Pindah ke Ramsdale, New England, disinilah Humbert mulai terobsesi dengan sosok Lolita, gadis berusia 12 tahun yang merupakan putri Charlotte Haze. Ia secara diam-diam menginginkannya dan melangsungkan pernikahan dengan ibunya sebagai kedok. Humbert dan Lolita kemudian kabur dan mulai hidup berpindah-pindah untuk menutupi hubungan terlarang mereka. Satu kata aja deh: PENASARAN! *smirking*

3. Elixir - Hilary Duff

Nah, kalo yang ini sebenernya gw bukan tertarik pengen baca karena ceritanya, tapi lebih ke penasaran dengan kemampuan Hilary Duff dalam menulis. I've always been her fan since she's one of 'clean' celebrities who has nice personality and style. Denger-denger sih bukunya ini lumayan sukses di pasaran Amrik sono. Disini sih belum pernah liat nangkring di toko buku.

4. The Help - Kathryn Stockett

Tau buku ini pas lagi browsing di Goodreads. Tertarik karena ceritanya yang tentang perempuan hihihi. Dan lagi, ini satu novel dengan tiga tokoh yang berbeda yang disatukan oleh tema yang sama (gw gak tau termnya apa, anyone knows? please help me :)) Ceritanya tentang tiga perempuan yang luar biasa, yang sama-sama ingin memulai gerakan untuk mengubah kotanya dan perspektif perempuan terhadap satu sama lain. And I am not sure whether this book is available in Indonesia or not. :(

Jadi bagaimana? Ada yang tertarik memberi saya salah satu atau bahkan semua buku di atas? Ditunggu ya ;)

Be my friends on Goodreads by clicking here!

On the Night Like This

2011-11-19T01:28:00.001+07:00

On the night like this,

Where the weather is too nice to get to sleep to,
I remember every single happy things
Happened to me.

I remember,

When my dad came home and ask me about my day with his bright bright eyes.
Though I know that he's been out all day without eating.
Because he wants to eat at home.

When I look at the candid pictures I've taken at my mom.
Her eyes tell me everything. Every single thing, that she tried to hide from anyone.

When my brother ask me sincerely about how I've been doing. How's my life. Then he laugh. And I know that it's real.

And right now,

I'm lying on my bed. All alone. In the dark room of mine. 2x2.5 room. Thinking about them. My precious ones.

And my pillow's all wet. Then I know that the tears falling.

I miss you.
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

#2PMJKT

2011-11-16T23:58:00.000+07:00

Wait for my post about 2PM Hands Up Asia Tour 2011 in Jakarta :D

SPOILER!

CHANSUNG ripped his shirt OFF!!! ~feels like I'm in heaven already

Dufan, Sendirian

2011-11-16T23:34:00.002+07:00

Pernah jalan-jalan ke taman bermain sendirian? Gw sudah dua kali malah. Well, sebenernya gak pure sendirian sih. Jadi, Papa gw itu suka bawa tur yang berhenti buat mengunjungi Ancol. Jadi, sebagai anak gadis satu-satunya ini, gw diajak buat main di Dufan gratis (sebenernya bayar, tapi karena bareng rombongan tentu jauh lebih murah). Rabu 26 Oktober lalu merupakan perjalanan gw ke Dufan sendirian untuk yang kedua kalinya.

Hehe, rada freak mungkin, tapi cukup menyenangkan kok, si tengah hecticnya kuliah, laporan magang, dan pencarian magang, gw ngerasa perjalanan ini cukup relieving my stress. At least walau sendirian, toh tetep aja bakal teriak-teriak pas naik wahana yang menegangkan kan?

Jadi, pada perjalanan kali ini, jumlah wahana yang gw naikin itu meningkat dari yang sebelumnya cuma sempet naik Hysteria dan Kora-Kora karena emang lagi peak season (antrinya brengsek), jadi banyaaaak! Gw sempet naik Kora-Kora, Pontang-Panting, Perang Bintang, Animasi 4D Journey to the Center of the Earth, Arung Jeram, Niagara-Gara, Bom Bom Car (lupa namanya), Coaster kecil (yang kayak ulet), Rumah Usil, Rumah Jahil, dan tentunya Turangga-Rangga alias Carousel (this one will always be my favourite).

Yang lucu adalah, waktu gw naik Kora-Kora, gw duduk di tengah di deretan pinggir, diapit satu pasangan pacaran dan dua cewe yang kayaknya peserta study tour. Awalnya si cewe yang pacaran keliatan sebel karena harus geser. Lalu, dua cewe peserta study tour itu (mungkin) berpantat gede, soalnya dia geser-geser ke gw trus dan sempet ngedumel mau pindah namun apalah daya ga ada tempat lagi (bukan kalimat yang baik karena terlalu panjang). Dan, Kora-Kora pun mulai berayun.... Awalnya masih kayak main ayunan, lalu mulai makin curam dan alhasil cewe yang pacaran itu mulai megang-megang lengan gw dan nyender ke bahu gw karena takut. Gak nyebelin sih, tapi yang bikin heran, itu pacar di sebelah kok dianggurin sih mbak, saya tersinggung nih! (jomblo alert) Dan pas noleh sebelah kiri, cewe peserta study tour itu juga udah nyender di bahu gw karena takut. Kampret! Ini penghinaan! Apakah figur tubuh gw sebegitu maskulinnya sampe ada dua cewe nyender di kedua bahu gw? Ah, padahal gw udah capek-capek full make-up siapa tau nemu cowo ganteng.

ini dia foto yang gw bela-belain beli. HUH! MAHAL!

sesaat sebelum Kora-Kora 'digoyang'

antri Bianglala (ujung-ujungnya batal)

my Dad <3

#eaaa

self portrait sesaat sebelum Rajawali diputer ke atas :&

Berikut beberapa random shots gw yang berkeliaran sendirian di Dufan kemarin hihihi.

Dan sebagai mahasiswi yang rajin dan teladan, gw tetep bela-belain kuliah malemnya. Cuma demi absen *tolong dicatat* selama kelas sih rumpi aja hahaha.

Semoga main ke Dufan berikutnya bareng temen-temen atau gandengan baru deh ya ;) #resolusi

I thought

2011-11-16T23:04:00.000+07:00

I thought I forgotten everything. But it turns out it's not. Let's see.

Happy Idul Adha!

2011-11-06T07:07:00.002+07:00

Selamat hari raya Idul Adha!

Idul Adha kali ini gw ga bisa ikut sholat karena 'tamu' yang belum pulang. Kali ini agak sepi lebarannya karena beberapa temen yang cukup sinting dan berisik mudik dan berlebaran bersama sanak keluarga. Jadi tersisalah Renninta dan Reni Tok.

Tadinya mau sholat namun apalah daya si 'tamu' belum pulang. Jadi gw posting ini masih di bawah selimut di kamar Reni Tok :D

Mau sedikit cerita nih, karena kosan gw memang jadi showroom hewan qurban tiap mendekati lebaran haji, udah lumrah kalo kita udah harus menikmati baunya jauh sebelum mereka dipotong. Tapi untungnya dari tahun ke tahun bau semakin membaik. Mungkin karena jumlah hewan yang didisplay berkurang jga dari tahun ke tahun. Gak tau harus sedih atau gembira sebenernya. Tapi yang jelas ga bakal keulang kejadian tahun 2008 dimana sampe baju-baju dalem lemari yg udah dikasih pewangi tetep bau kambing dan pengalaman temen satu kos yang waktu buka tas di kampus bau kambing juga :D

Semoga tahun ini bisa dapet daging dari ibu kos *\(´▿`*\)(/*´▿`)/*

Nah karena gw masih 'bertamu', tentu saja gw jadi jauh lebih sensitif. Sekarang gw sedih banget karena Papa masih di entah-di-mana karena masih tur overland Jawa-Bali sampai tanggal 10 sementara Mama di rumah.

I miss them.
Hehehe.

Happy Idul Adha All!!
Sent from my AXIS Worry Free BlackBerry® smartphone

PMS

2011-11-04T18:22:00.001+07:00

Why I always find out everything even when I don't want to know?

It hurts to know that someone, who is precious to you, lie to you.

Teruskan saja semua kebohonganmu.
Bohong saja tidak punya uang, bohong saja tidak bisa, dan bohong saja kamu kena karma lalu mengakibatkan barangmu rusak.

I can't seem to understand your intention of keep telling me those lies. I know I'm stupid enough for have been listening to them for quite long time, but this might be my last time. I'm done being hurt.

Eat your own shit. Cause I don't think I can hold not to puke after listening to your lies.

Tantangan #Cornetto2PM

2011-11-03T12:11:00.002+07:00

SATU TIKET FESTIVAL KONSER #2PMJKT GRATIS SUDAH DI TANGAN! :D

Thoughts

2011-11-03T01:36:00.002+07:00

Well, I have more than thousand thoughts in my head (and my heart also).

But I'd like to share some thoughts of mine, especially regarding what people say about me.

I happened to find out that there are some people who talk behind my back. They call me miserable, pathetic, none whatsoever. At first I don't care at all, but I want to tell everyone about my point of view.

Well, people said that it's better to hide your own feelings instead of show it to the world. They said it's because you should be more fortunate that you're not living a poor life like people in Africa or poor countries do. But it is definitely wrong. Being poor and can't even eat well is sad. But for me, it's sadder when your soul is hungry rather than your stomach is.

One of the best way to let it go is, to be open about that. Problems, conflicts, heartbroken, and others happen. They are parts of us. We can't be happy all the times. We have to feel the pain and suffer sometimes. And let it out is the best way I've ever tried.

We, human, are tend to stay calm in order to keep the image "I'm Okay" to others while the reality is "I'm Not Okay At All". Why I'm saying this? Because I've tried it a thousand times, and it only made everything worse. I tried not to care, not to be curious, not to think about it, but in the end, sooner or later the volcano is going to be erupted. Hold it all inside while turn away because you think it will solve your problem is the worst way to be free from your problems. You have to face it, you have to let it out, then you can move on and live your life to the fullest.

So, for those who think that I'm pathetic, weak, miserable, please be honest to yourself that those words you've said about me, is actually about yourself. Because if you're not, you will not mock me and mind your own business.

And by the way, you have to meet me in real life. I'm the opposite of my posts. I'm much more outgoing, fun, and goofy, thanks to my blog and social media accounts which help me to let go all the negatives in me.

Taken last year after a Thypoid (haha, I was so fat)

Selamat Ulang Tahun, Dinda!

2011-10-31T01:25:00.004+07:00

Hehe, maaf postnya terlambat sebulan lebih. Jadi, tepat 29 September 2011 lalu, temen gw yang paling sinting ulang tahun. Namanya Dinda Widya Permata, panggilannya Dinda. Dia adalah bungsu dari tiga bersaudara yang semuanya perempuan. Asal daerahnya sih Lampung, tapi percaya nggak percaya, dia asli orang Jawa. Pasti ga nyangka kan? :)) Well, daripada ujungnya gw jadi merangkum riwayat hidup dia, mending gw cerita surprise dan perayaan ulang tahun dia kemarin.

Jadi, seperti biasa, gw dan temen-temen pura-pura lupa dengan ulang tahun Dinda (lagu lama berkumandang kembali). Tapi, kita bersikap seperti biasa dan tetep berinteraksi (BBM, SMS, ngobrol). Nah, waktu itu dia kosannya ada di lantai 2, which is tangganya bikin yang lewat berasa kayak lagi berpetualang layaknya Indiana Jones (oke, gw lebay). Jadi, maksud kita waktu itu, karena ada yang bertugas mengelabui dan beli kue, kita mau mancing dia supaya turun ke ruang tamu bawah karena ada dua temen cowok; Imam dan Galih.

Tapi, emang dasar bandel, dia gw ajak beli makan itu ogah-ogahan, dan emang waktunya udah menjelang maghrib. Akhirnya, temen-temen cewe gw; Vita dan Renninta gw suruh naik buat kasih kado dan kue tart. Udah dramatis ya kita bawa kue tart bertahtakan lilin-lilin kecil, eh ADZAN MAGHRIB BERKUMANDANG. Dan gede banget karena emang kosnya sebelahan sama masjid -______-

Alhasil, kita yang udah megang kue dan kado sambil nyanyi "Selamaaaat Ulang Tahuuuuun..." terpaksa diem nunggu adzan usai. Setelah adzan usai, langsunglah kita sodorin kuenya biar lilin cepetan ditiup. Horeeee..!

birthday girl: Dinda!

Berpose bersama kue dan kado (ki-ka: Renninta, gw, Dinda, Vita)

Jadi, kado yang kita kasih ke Dinda adalah bantal guling senilai Rp xxx yang terinspirasi dari perjalanan gw dan Dinda seminggu sebelum ulang tahunnya ke Carrefour. Jadi dia emang pengen beli bantal guling, dan waktu itu lagi diskon, tapi entah kenapa dia gak jadi beli (firasat gw dia emang maunya dibeliin, hahaha). Alhasil, kita patungan beli guling idaman anak pak Imam Subandi itu. Hahahaha.

These are the documentation of that day:

The 'humble' cakes

Mohon jangan salah sangka, ini bukan foto pengemis..! :D

~_~" Asik sendiri

Kue siap dibagi!

Strike a pose before eating the cake

Serbu..!!!

Seraaaaaang...!

Colek-colek part. 1

Ih, malu-malu deh (ki-ka: Galih & Imam)

Sesaat sebelum 'chaos' dimulai

Nah, setelah potong kue, makan-makan, dan colek-colek dikit ke muka masing-masing orang yang ada, gw sama Vita iseng mau dorong muka Dinda ke kue yang lagi dia pegang setelah foto di atas. Tadinya gw cuma BECANDA. Eh beneran didorong kepala Dinda dengan brutal ke kuenya hahaha. Dan hasil dari itu bisa langsung dilihat pada gambar di bawah ini.

Make-up terindah

Biar belepotan tetep foto

Lagi ah ~(-.-)~

This is done by the birthday girl's request ~(-.-)~

SELAMAT DUA SATU, DINDA!
Semoga kita masih bisa merayakan ulang tahun bareng lagi ya..! :D

*forgive my outfit, itu sebenernya baju boneka beruangnya Dinda, dan gw iseng aja pake :p

Oktober kok kamu jahat sih?

2011-10-20T13:53:00.000+07:00

Heh Oktober! Kamu itu bulan kelahiran aku, kok kamu jahat banget sih sama aku?
Setelah Januari, Februari, Maret, April, dan Juni jahat sama aku, kamu mau ikut-ikutan mereka jahatin aku?

Seharusnya kamu tuh bikin aku bahagia, bikin aku ketawa, bukan bikin aku nangis sampe sesak nafas begini berhari-hari!

Aku capek tau nangis. Tapi kalo gak dikeluarin dadaku sesak. Susah bernafas dan sakit.

Kamu suruh aku senyum-senyum sendiri? ketawa maksa? atau nonton film komedi?

Udah aku coba semuanya.

Kalo seandainya Doraemon itu nyata, aku udah minta dia keluarin alat buat bikin aku bahagia atau alat yang bisa bikin aku lupa sama yang sedih-sedih.

Hal tersedih adalah, aku berharap terlalu banyak sama kamu. Aku kira kamu bakal selalu bisa bikin aku bahagia, paling nggak tertawa.

Dan karena harapan yang sedemikian besarnya itulah sekarang aku habis. Titik, gak pake koma.

Mungkin di tahun-tahun berikutnya aku harus coba untuk gak berharap sama kamu lagi.

Sampai jumpa.

21

2011-10-18T12:47:00.000+07:00

Another birthday post from me. Hehehe.

I'm grateful yet this might be my saddest birthday, ever.

I know they do not mean to do this, but yes, I'm disappointed.

My Dad call me to say happy birthday and promise to call me again since my Mom wanted to congratulate me too. But yes, no more calls until now.

And someone is really disappointing. How could that person give me something that belongs to that person-whom-I-hate-the-most. I love that it's something that person give me, but I can't deny that I'm really sad that that person give me something that related to that God-damned person.

I don't know. Maybe it takes time.

Anyway, I got nude lipstick, crayon eye liner, and a cardigan this year. hehehe, thanks to my best friends!

I am officially 21 and it's legal to do so many things! ~

wish me a very happy year!

Rumahku (dulu)

2011-10-13T11:36:00.003+07:00

Rumah.
Apa sih rumah itu?
Bagiku rumah adalah dimana kita bisa beristirahat dengan tenang tanpa harus peduli tentang hal lainnya. Tempat terakhir yang ingin kita tuju saat kita letih dengan kehidupan.

Dulu, aku punya rumah.
Sekarang rumahku ditempati orang lain.
Oh tidak, aku tidak diusir, aku hanya pergi sebelum aku diusir.

Rumah itu teduh, hangat, dan tentu saja nyaman.
Tidak besar, apalagi mewah.
Rumah itu kecil, namun menyenangkan.

Rumah itu penuh tawa dan senyum.
Rumah itu menyerap amarah dan air mata.

Namun mungkin rumah itu menjadi rapuh karena harus menyerap amarah dan air mata pemiliknya.
Ia butuh pemilik baru, pemilik yang penuh tawa, sehingga mampu memberinya energi.

Rumah itu kamu...

Kamu

2011-10-12T01:40:00.001+07:00

Dan anehnya, kini aku tidak menginginkanmu seperti dulu. Tapi aku juga tidak mampu menolak. Karena aku tahu, kamu masih punya peran dalam kehidupanku. Tapi tidak seterang dulu. Kalau dulu kamu matahari, sekarang kamu hanya lampu neon di kamarku yang tidak pernah terkena sinar matahari ini; menyinari namun tidak menerangi dan tidak hangat seperti dahulu. Kamu masih disana, tapi kamu bukan yang aku butuhkan lagi sekarang. Sekarang aku keluar dari kamar dan masih mencari cahaya matahari, lagi.

Tidak Tahu

2011-10-12T01:19:00.001+07:00

Jangankan sahabat, keluarga, ataupun peramal. Diriku sendiri pun tidak tahu apa yang aku mau. Sekarang adalah sekarang. Apa yang aku lakukan saat ini tidak kupedulikan untuk apa dan apa dampaknya nanti. Yang penting aku riang. Yang penting aku tidak perlu menitikkan air mata dan bangun dengan mata sebesar bola pingpong keesokan harinya. Aku hanya ingin bangun dengan senyuman dan semangat dalam diri. Dan kini aku mulai tersenyum. Mengingat betapa sulitnya hanya untuk tersenyum di bangunku.

Don't Cry

2011-09-22T22:00:00.003+07:00

I hate to see you cry.

It'd be better that I am the one who's crying instead of you.

I can't stand watching you cry.

I will catch every tear drop from your beautiful, bold eyes.

I will.

Lately

2011-09-05T20:23:00.001+07:00

Lately I've been thinking. Over and over. Over and over again. Until I post this.

My life has never been this complicated before. And I'm not going to blame anyone for this. But looks like I'm going to blame myself for all the things happen to me.

I'm just fuckin tired of being rejected. Being everyone's second best. Being their alternatives.

I know that we should never expect something that we give to be given back to us. I know. But I hate myself for always be like this.

I hate myself who can easily forgive but not forget.
I hate myself who can't even hate someone because I love them. Very much.
I hate myself who always envy others for anything I don't and can't have.
I hate myself who always cry like a baby
I hate myself.

Don't

2011-06-30T22:59:00.000+07:00

When will I see you again?

2011-06-10T16:22:00.000+07:00

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

When will I see you again?

It has to be you

2011-06-07T13:23:00.000+07:00

You just have to be here. With me.

No, I just need to see you. Not the photograph, not the video conference, not only the voice.

I want to see you.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to touch you.

I want to hold your hand.

I want you to hug me tight.

I want you to stroke my cheek.

I want to feel your head leaned on my shoulder.

And do nothing.

Did you never know?

2011-06-04T22:05:00.003+07:00

Did you never know, long ago, how much you loved me—

That your love would never lessen and never go?
You were young then, proud and fresh-hearted,
You were too young to know.

Fate is a wind, and red leaves fly before it
Far apart, far away in the gusty time of year—
Seldom we meet now, but when I hear you speaking,
I know your secret, my dear, my dear.

courtesy of: Sara Teasdale

INTRODUCING: NACASA!

2011-05-31T20:24:00.003+07:00

I would like to tell you guys about NACASA, an unique brand by Nadia Hasan. It released its first collection, a mini collection for S/S 2011 "Out of Ordinary". Well, judged from the design and style, I can't agree more with the theme for this mini collection. Its collection consists of all simple yet still unique with small, cute details.

Nacasa is a brand which specialize in tank-top and pants. It attempts to create such amazingly comfortable products by using high-quality fabrics. The products are casual, yet still uniquely designed.

I personally love the bundle basic tank below! <3

Enjoy its mini collection lookbook below!

Nacasa Mini Collection S/S 2011 : Out of Ordinary

If you're interested, feel free to contact them on http://www.nacasaview.blogspot.com/ or follow their twitter account at @tweetnacasa or... Directly send them message to nacasaview [at] gmail [dot] com

2011-05-06T11:37:00.002+07:00

Now I realize that this town can be beautiful. Oh Jakarta, please show me your beauty to relieve my pain and sorrow.

:(

2011-03-27T16:50:00.002+07:00

I can't tell how painful it is when you're all choked up and he's okay.

How lonely it is hearing that he's all fine with his life now.

I am happy to know that he's happy... It's just that I'm sad because I'm not his part of happiness anymore.

Again

2011-03-02T14:31:00.002+07:00

The sun finally peep behind all the storm above me. Even it's just a dot, at least I see the light.

Suka

2011-02-18T21:47:00.003+07:00

Bilang saja saya telat, atau... Ikut-ikutan.

Peduli setan.

Tapi suka sekali lagu ini.

It is like a two-side coin: on the one side I feel peace in it, yet on the other side I'm tearing up inside.

ku tak melihat kau membawa terang
yang kau janjikan
kau bawa bara berserak di halaman
hingga kekeringan

oh dimana terang yang kau janjikan
aku kesepian
dimana tenang yang kau janjikan
aku kesepian
dimana menang yang kau janjikan
aku kesepian
sepi...

ku tak melihat kau membawa tenang
yang kau janjikan
kau bawa debu bertebar di beranda
berair mata

2011-02-17T14:46:00.002+07:00

I hope you read this.

I loved you. And I keep renewing it. But I can't help saying I love you, because you never really care about that.

My feelings are not superficial.

Seriously, I promise myself to stake you in your heart.

Good-bye

2011-02-10T00:16:00.000+07:00

Goodbye.

It's good for say bye.

But I don't think so.

100th post

2010-11-16T01:37:00.000+07:00

This post is dedicated to the broken-hearted friends.

Hey you, don't be worry, don't be sad. I will always be by your side. He, may come and go. But me, always stay by your side, even when you don't ask to.

Cheer up girls!

Cannonball

2010-11-14T23:43:00.003+07:00

Lately, I'm in love with this song. Damien's voice really hypnotizes me.

My favourite lines:

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

WARNING:
The video doesn't explicitly represent the real meaning behind the song. It may be disgusting for pregnant women, people with heart attack, and innocent people.

Wish-list

2010-11-14T23:36:00.003+07:00

My lecturer; Mr. Daniel, once said: "if you want to reach your dreams, spread it. Tell everyone about it, so you'll feel the pressure to work hard to reach it."

So, I would like to share to you all about my wish-list. Here it is.

GPA 3< (No exact number ~keke)
Get over 'it' (Sorry too personal to be written here)
Get a new digicam (whatever the brand is, as long it has min. 10 megapixel)
Get a part time job while having holiday on January 2011
Join a sewing course
Get more involved in communities (have to reach 5 organization/ event until the end of 2010)

Wish me luck!

Hang Out

2010-11-10T22:40:00.008+07:00

I was having fun, yes before my mid-term exam, keep my fingers crossed!

Mobile Posting

2010-11-09T01:02:00.000+07:00

CQ CQ I'm now testing the mobile blogging. This post will disappear in 24 hours. Cheers!

Strange and Beautiful

2010-11-04T20:43:00.004+07:00

Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first,
Sometimes, the first thing you want never comes,
And I know, the waiting is all you can do,
Sometimes...

(Strange and Beautiful - Aqualung)

Better be Prepared

2010-11-04T20:11:00.003+07:00

Lately Indonesia is in sorrow. This is because of a lot of natural disasters happened lately. Gunung Merapi eruption, avalanche in Wasior, Tsunami in Mentawai. I live in Jakarta actually, but lately Jakarta was on chaos because of flood attack last week. Because of the flood, there was a lot of traffic jams almost everywhere in Jakarta. Thousands of people stuck in the traffic congestion for almost 8 hours back then. Besides, Jakarta also have a record in earthquake. Last earthquake happened when I was studying in class with my friends and lecturer. It was very shocking, though it only happened for less than 5 minutes. Fortunately I am still alive and healthy after that.

3 weeks ago, one of my lecturer; Mr. Budiman Natadiningrat, gave us a very weird assignment. The assignment was to prepare your own personal survival kit and take a picture of it (as you can see on my previous post My Personal Survival Kit). At that time I just laughed and thought that this assignment was a joke. But now, I think what he done to us was really beneficial. I start to plan for discussion with my friends about the disaster-things like this. Seriously, we need to be well-prepared.

And tonight, I just check out this article on Jakarta Globe about What to Do When Mother Nature Strikes :

Earthquake.
Don’t panic. Be aware that some earthquakes are actually foreshocks and a larger earthquake might occur.

Minimize your movements to a nearby safe place.

If you are indoors, stay there until the shaking has stopped and you are sure that exiting is safe.

If indoors:

Drop to the ground, take cover by getting under a sturdy table or other piece of furniture and hold on until the shaking stops.

If there isn’t a table or desk near you, cover your face and head with your arms and crouch in an inside corner of the building.

Stay away from glass, windows, outside doors and walls and anything that could fall, such as lighting fixtures or furniture.

Use a doorway for shelter only if it is in close proximity to you and if you know it is a strongly supported, load-bearing doorway.

Stay inside until the shaking stops and it is safe to go outside.

Research has shown that most injuries occur when people inside buildings attempt to move to a different location inside the building or try to leave.

Be aware that the electricity may go out or the sprinkler systems or fire alarms may turn on.

Do not use the elevators as they might stop and strand you.

If outdoors:

Stay there. Move away from buildings, streetlights and utility wires.

The greatest danger exists directly outside buildings, at exits and alongside exterior walls.

Ground movement during an earthquake is seldom the direct cause of death or injury.

Most earthquake-related casualties result from collapsing walls, flying glass and falling objects.

If in a moving vehicle:

Stop as quickly as safety permits and stay in the vehicle.

Avoid stopping near or under buildings, trees, overpasses and utility wires.

Proceed cautiously once the earthquake has stopped.

Avoid roads, bridges or ramps that might have been damaged by the earthquake.

If trapped under debris:

Do not light a match.

Do not move about or kick up dust.

Cover your mouth with a handkerchief or clothing.

Tap on a pipe or wall so rescuers can locate you.

Use a whistle if one is available.

Shout only as a last resort. Shouting can cause you to inhale dangerous amounts of dust.

Tsunami.

An earthquake is a natural tsunami warning.

If you feel a strong quake, do not stay close to shore.

If you hear of an earthquake, be aware of the possibility of a tsunami and listen to the radio or television for additional information.

Remember that an earthquake can trigger killer waves thousands of miles across the ocean many hours after the event generated a tsunami.

An approaching tsunami is preceded by an unusual fall or rise in the water level.

If you see the ocean receding unusually rapidly, that’s a good sign that a tsunami may be on its way.

Go to high ground immediately.

A tsunami is a series of waves and the first wave may not be the most dangerous.

The danger from a tsunami can last for several hours after the arrival of the first wave strikes.

A tsunami wave train may come as a series of surges that are five minutes to an hour apart.

The cycle may be marked by a repeated retreat and advance of the ocean.

Stay out of danger until you hear it is safe.

Use your common sense. If you feel or hear of a strong earthquake do not wait for an official tsunami warning.

Tell your family and friends to join you in leaving for high ground.

Or, for more information, you can visit my lecturer; Mr. Budiman Natadiningrat's website here.

It's really useful guide for common people like us are not well-aware :)

7 Pleasures of the everyday world

2010-10-28T14:27:00.004+07:00

Wearing underwear just out of the dryer.

When cashiers open up new checkout lines at the supermarket.

Intergenerational dancing.

Paying with exact change.

Fixing electronics by smacking them.

High-fiving babies.

The other side of the pillow.

Taken from Neil Pasricha's award-winning pop culture blog, 100awesomethings.com

Hujan

2010-10-28T00:55:00.000+07:00

Kamu datang seperti hujan, begitu deras, menghapus kemarau dan menyejukkan bumi. Hanya saja hujan itu hanya sesaat, begitu reda, genangan airmu tak lagi indah dan menyejukkan. Bagiku, itu menyakitkan.

Today's Quote

2010-10-24T23:06:00.000+07:00

You don't have to share the same faith. You have to respect each other's faith.

-Dr. Ghazala Hayat (On their act endangering their own lives if necessary to save the life of anyone seeking asylum.)

Though I'm Glowing Still You Can't See Me

2010-10-20T19:58:00.000+07:00

Hold me, you shall never ever see me
Blankets will not hesitate me
Flowers shant even wake

Kiss me, 'tis the last time you may see me
'Tis the last time light shall harm me
I shall cry myself to death

Funny, how you never showed your love to me
Lovely, oh the lights I can see
It's gleaming in my eyes like when you

Burned me, tear my skin off and leave me
'Tis the last time you may hold me
'Tis the last time I shall say good bye

(Glow by Frau)

Just a Quote

2010-10-20T17:00:00.000+07:00

Call me abnormal, a die hard, a freak, but honestly I don't want & I don't give a damn about YOUR normal. And that's the soul of freedom.

(Poltak Hotradero)

Twitter: Pemantau Efektif Isu yang Berkembangdi Indonesia?

2010-10-19T19:42:00.009+07:00

"Keterlaluan sekali sebuah patung Buddha di atas sebuah vihara akan diturunkan karena tekanan sekelompok masyarakat" - @BaraHasibuan (politikus PAN)

Di atas merupakan satu diantara ribuan respons atas pemberitaan protes terhadap keberadaan patung Buddha di atas sebuah vihara di daerah tanjung Balai. Namun, ini bukan kali pertama sebuah isu yang sedang berkembang direspon dan mengundang banyak komentar di ranah maya. Sebelumnya Indonesia sempat dihebohkan dengan adanya berita dari FPI (Front Pembela Islam) yang memprotes berlangsungnya Q Film Festival yang bertemakan LGBTIQ (Lesbian Gay Bisex Transgender Intersex Questioned) Rights dengan mengadakan aksi anarkis ke tempat pemutaran film. Hal ini ternyata mengundang berbagai kecaman dari para selebtwit (selebritis twitter) yang memiliki latar belakang beragam, diantaranya aktivis Jaringan Islam Liberal (JIL); Ulil Abshar Abdalla maupun dari kalangan pers, pendiri Tempo; Goenawan Moehammad.

Secara tidak langsung kita dapat melihat adanya fenomena sosial atas keberadaan situs microblogging dalam memantau isu yang sedang berkembang di Indonesia. Baik orang awam, pers, politikus, hingga ibu rumah tangga bebas mengekspresikan idenya dalam 140 karakter atau me-retweet tweet yang dianggap bermanfaat. Kalaupun merasa tidak nyaman untuk melakukan personal branding, dapat juga membuat account twitter dengan nama samaran atau membuat karakter baru yang dirasa lebih merepresentasikan diri kita (Contoh: @treespotter. @provokatrok, @kafirliberal).

Dengan adanya situs microblogging ini, isu yang sedang berkembang dan berita-berita dapat diakses dengan lebih efektif dan cepat sehingga respon atas berbagai isu terkini pun tentu lebih cepat dibanding hanya membaca koran maupun menonton televisi. Oleh karena itu tidak jarang banyak orang kini cenderung lebih memilih twitter sebagai sumber informasi (berita, isu, tips, dll.). Situs microblogging seringkali menyajikan info terkini jauh lebih cepat tapi keakuratannya seringkali dipertanyakan, seperti saat isu tentang meninggalnya salah seorang maestro musik indonesia, alm. Gesang yang saat itu masih hidup.

Sebagai salah satu twitter freak, saya sendiri sangat merasakan kedua dampak twitter dalam kehidupan pribadi dan sosial saya. Positifnya, twitter memberikan alternatif source of information yang sangat luas cakupannya (karena sumber berita tidak hanya dari pers tapi juga citizen journalist) serta dapat memberikan alternatif hiburan dengan isi tweet yang segar dan jenaka (@poconggg, @provokatrok, maupun @soalBOWBOW) di sela-sela kesibukan yang mencekik.

Namun selain sisi positif, twitter sebagai salah satu situs microblogging yang sangat populer terutama di indonesia pun memiliki sisi negatif. Negatifnya, banyak pihak yang sering melakukan penyalahgunaan twitter sebagai situs microblogging sebagai sarana melakukan hate speech atau blackmailing.

Lalu, apa sebenarnya dampak twitter yang menjadi wadah berekspresi bagi sebagian besar masyarakat ini terhadap perkembangan Indonesia? Dengan berperan sebagai wadah bagi setiap individu maupun kelompok untuk bebas berekspresi, tentunya hal ini menunjukkan kepedulian sejumlah masyarakat atas berbagai isu yang beredar melalui twitter. Tentunya twitter dapat dibilang meningkatkan awareness masyarakat Indonesia dengan konsep yang serupa dengan word of mouth (word of tweet). Dengan meningkatnya awareness masyarakat tentang suatu isu yang sedang berkembang, maka diharapkan rakyat Indonesia pun dapat lebih proaktif dalam memantau isu sosial yang ada, bahkan mengawasi kinerja pemerintahan Indonesia.

Akhir kata, twitter sebagai salah satu situs microblogging yang sedang happening di Indonesia memiliki peran sebagai pemantau efektif isu yang sedang berkembang di Indonesia sehingga mampu merepresentasikan suara sebagian besar masyarakat Indonesia terhadap suatu isu yang muncul. Twitter telah menjadi wadah yang sangat efektif bagi masyarakat agar lebih peduli dan ikut serta memantau jalannya pemerintahan Indonesia serta menanggapi berbagai isu baik isu politik, agama, sosial, maupun budaya.

Happy tweeting!

Into Your Gravity

2010-10-19T15:38:00.001+07:00

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.

(Taken from Gravity by Sara Bareilles)

Please Don't

2010-10-19T12:04:00.000+07:00

For someone out there who really disappointed me, please read this and learn not to do those things above, anymore.

Mesin Penenun Hujan

2010-10-18T20:50:00.003+07:00

Merakit mesin penenun hujan
Hingga terjalin, terbentuk awan
Semua tentang kebalikan
Terlukis, tertulis, tergaris di wajahmu

Keputusan yang tak terputuskan
Ketika engkau telah tunjukkan
Semua tentang kebalikan
Kebalikan di antara kita

Kau sakiti aku, kau gerami aku,
Kau sakiti, gerami, kau benci aku
Tetapi esok nanti kau akan tersadar
Kau temukan seorang lain yang lebih baik
Dan aku kan hilang, ku kan jadi hujan
Tapi takkan lama, ku kan jadi awan

Merakit mesin penenun hujan
Ketika engkau telah tunjukkan
Semua tentang kebalikan
Kebalikan di antara kita

(Frau)

Happy Birthday to Me!

2010-10-16T01:23:00.012+07:00

On October 15th, 1990 at 15.47 pm, a baby girl was born healthily with about 3.9 kg weight in Palembang, South Sumatra - Indonesia.
His father and mother ask for the name to the grandfather (from mom's side), then she was named Istiarina Putri; rooted from her father's name (Iskandar Sulaiman) and also means "ikhtiar" or effort in English.

Now that baby girl has already grown up. She's 20 now. And she's ready for the next chapter of her life.

She's been in both good times and hard times. Both love and heartbreak. Both laughter and cry. Both alone and in the crowd.

She's unbreakable. She will never let anyone gets her down. Never ever.

Happy 20th birthday to my dearest me!

Here It Comes My Man

2010-10-13T00:39:00.005+07:00

He is a dentist-to-be
He is allergic to crustacean
He is silly
He loves toycam
He loves cats, while I love dogs
We love to go out together (without even both of us taking a bath)
We love to spend times doing thrift-shopping or just reading mangas together
We love to mock and laugh at people
He comes to my house almost everyday during my holiday in Palembang
He never bothers if I haven't take a bath for 3 days
He never bothers whether I gain a weight
He rarely mad at me
He is dependable on almost everything
He is my first boyfriend that can steal my dad's heart
He mingles with my world (my friends, my family)
He loves me the way I am

2007

2008

2009

new year: 2010

last holiday: early September

Tabby and him

Thank you for all those years. You are my love, my friend, and also my brother.
Forgive all my selfishness. Let's keep this love a lifetime, cause forever doesn't exist.

A Trip To Punti Kayu

2010-10-12T23:38:00.010+07:00

OK, actually I already wanted to post this a loooooong time ago, but I just have the chance to post it to this blog now (some of the pics from my Yashica 35-ME are already uploaded it here). On the 3rd semester's holiday, one of my besties; Vita, came to Palembang for a holiday. She stayed in her uncle's home for two weeks. And for one night, she came for a sleepover in my house.

The day before, we went to a recreational area (some kind of tourism forest and wildlife reserve) in Palembang named Punti Kayu. I was really excited since it was my first time to be there after about 17 years (when I was a child my mom took me there once). Actually, Punti Kayu is not famous because of its variety of wildlife reserve and the forest, but for its reputation as the place for the lovers (-__-"), but the filthy one.
OK, forget about that nasty things done by many couples here, I would like to share some of the photos taken by Yoko. You're a great photographer dear!

Tips:
Bridge gives you the best experience and has the best view (so you can watch some lovers there (~.~"))

buying the entrance ticket to the 'mini' zoo

orangutan

Yoko :)

I can't stand seeing this bear all alone in its cage :(

Swan

Vita the photographer

Taking a pic of myself

This tree is really strange, don't know whether it's snake-look-alike or alligator-look-alike

High school couple spotted there (=__=")

See you later in Palembang, Vita!

And I wish

2010-10-12T23:36:00.002+07:00

I want both, but I would rather choose the first one first.

Missing Part

2010-10-11T22:17:00.006+07:00

I miss them, and I miss being part of it.

See you later, Mom and Dad.

Girls' Night Out

2010-10-10T16:11:00.021+07:00

On September 29th, one of my besties had her 20th birthday, after splashed her with eggs and flour, she said that she will treat us a dinner. Last Sunday, October 3th, she asked for a girls' night out on Saturday night at Grand Indonesia. We all dressed to kill :p . So, after hanging around and done some window shopping, we finally chose to eat at Pasta de Waraku, a Japanese Pasta fusion Restaurant. The display were really tempting :9 .

So we (me, Reni Tok, Renninta, and Vita) ordered the same dishes, it's a package (sorry I forget the name) it consists of prawn and crab mixed with mashed potatoes, french fries, and curly fries. Then the birthday girl; Dinda ordered (sorry, I forget it again) a pasta with Teriyaki sauce on it. Then for the drinks, I ordered Macha Float (it tasted a lil bit strange at first, but it's delicious though), Tok ordered Lemon Tea, Vita ordered Hot Ocha, and Dinda and Renninta ordered Chocolate Float (CMIIW).

My food: Popcorn prawn-something package

Crab-something-package

Pasta with Teriyaki on top

Macha Float

Chocolate Float

Overall, I can say that the food is worth the price (average per person for us is IDR 60,000), besides, we enjoy the surroundings too. Even more, the service was really good, since we had to wait for our turn to be seated, the front staff have given us free drinks. We really had fun! ♥

c:

:D

Renninta & Vita

Renninta winks ;)

Reni Tok: really focus on her meal :p

Dinda: the birthday girl. Thanks for the treat!

Enjoying my food :9

Vita, who looks really tired after attending a wedding

Look forward for another girls' night out, girls! :)

My Withness

2010-10-09T16:42:00.004+07:00

Half the day lost, staring
at this window. I wanted to know
just one true thing
about the soul, but I left thinking
for thought, and now -
two inches of snow have fallen

over the meadow. Where did I go,
how long was I out looking
for you?, who would never leave me,
my withness, my here.
(The Meadow -Kate Knapp Johnson)

My Personal Survival Kit

2010-10-09T15:12:00.002+07:00

Last week, my lecturer in Organizational Behavior class; Mr. Budiman Natadiningrat gave us another weird assignment. Why weird? Because it has nothing to do with our subject: Management student or Organizational behavior subject. Yep, last time he asked us to guess what did he look like 30 years ago (but in the end, it has something to do with the subject), and this time he asked us to create our own personal survival kit just in case there is disaster (earthquake, flood, etc.). He sent us an email with one news about the possibility of Jakarta attacked by earthquake, survival kit list, and request a photo of our own personal survival kit by each of us. What a weird man ~.~".

OK, forget about how weird is my lecturer, now I would like to share to you about my own personal survival kit. Actually, based on Mr. Budiman's words, we all need our own personal survival kit packed in a backpack so that it would be easy for us to carry it around just in case there is a disaster. So, while waiting for the help and rescue, we can be prepared and stay calm under the pressure of the disaster. So, here is my own personal survival kit that I prepared for the assigment. Actually, I forgot to put women's daily feminine hygiene, flashlight, swiss-army knife and lighter.

What's inside your own personal survival kit? :D

I love you because I choose to.

2010-10-07T17:29:00.000+07:00

A Lonely September

2010-10-07T14:56:00.002+07:00

I know it's late, but I just found this song. Great for the saddened heart. :)
A song for a someone, may your heart gets well soon.

I'm sittin' here all by myself
just tryin' to think of something to do
Tryin' to think of something, anything
just to keep me from thinking of you
But you know it's not working out
'cause you're all that's on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
to leave the rest of the world behind

Oh, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back
but I know you did

I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself
that you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
and the more I want you here with me
You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
would just kill me if I'm on my own

I know it's not the smartest thing to do
we just can't seem to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
one more chance tonight

I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar
But with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far
I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
we've got nothing left to prove

And I didn't mean to meet you then
when we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills
the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did
Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back
But you did

Don't blame yourself for what happened to you, girl. Everything happens for a reason. Just keep learning, keep improving.

Welcome October!

2010-10-04T20:27:00.001+07:00

Welcome my October, my month! I'll always love the song by Greenday "Wake Me Up When September Ends" because I will wake up on October. :)

Let's pray and hope for another great October 15th!

Alphabeat - The Spell

2010-10-04T20:12:00.004+07:00

As usual, I always judge the song from its lyrics. :)
Lately, one of my friends, Riska, recommend me this song because she thinks that the lyrics really reflect what I feel. Thanks, Ris!

I've been thinking about you lately
You're on my mind
You do something to me baby
In ways I can't define

Whatever you're doing
you're doing it well
What is your secret
Won't you please tell

Cos my head is spinning, spinning around
You light me on fire
I won't let you down

You put a spell on me
I don't know what to do
It's an ability that draws me closer to you
Your magic has got me where I want to be
Your magic is happening around me
There's a power within you baby
It's controlling me
I know there's no way to fight it
I'll let it be

Can you feel the power burning baby
I think the spell is working oh-oh

P.S.
I haven't listen to the song yet. But I guess I'll love it! ;)

My Wishlist

2010-10-03T11:10:00.005+07:00

After going for a girls' night out with my girls, I just find out that I really wants this things below:

Eye Make Ups

I want it all: Eyeliner, Defining Eyeliner, Kohl Eyeliner, Liquid Eyeliner, Eyebrow Pencil, everything to beautify my eyes. And since my budget is tight, so I just hope that I can afford it all by choosing Revlon, it's quite affordable and the quality is not below standards. I guess it will be suitable for a frugal student like me.

Beautiful Necklace from Forever 21
I saw this gorgeous necklace at Forever 21 in Grand Indonesia, and from the first time I saw it, I already know that it is for me! But the price is a little bit expensive for me now, since I'm jobless. But I do think that the price is worth the design and quality. Hope that I will be able to have it, soon!

And this is what I've bought yesterday at F21 Grand Indonesia, since I didn't plan to buy anything there (it was the celebration of one of my girls' birthday: Dinda), but I'm truly in love with this earring. Actually it has many colors like: Red, White, Yellow, and Tosca Green, but I do think that Black will be suitable for all occasions. :)

Hope that I can get all of them before my birthday comes! *fingers crossed*

Letters to You (Part. 1)

2010-10-02T09:34:00.002+07:00

Dear You,

How are You there? Are you fine? Are you eating well? How's life there? Do you miss me?

I'm fine here, like a real... Fine. At least I'm still alive and can fake a smile almost everyday. I keep thinking of you every minutes of my life here, can't even think clear sometimes. Did I ever crossed your mind? Because for me it happens all the time. I know that you must be busy there with all your work, so please take care of your health and mind. Avoid being exhausted too many times and eat regularly, and healthily.

If you don't mind, I would like to tell you about my life here, living alone but hopefully never gets lonely. I'm now on my 5th semester and the college life is getting busier than ever. Since the batch 2010 are already here, so the campus is getting crowded. I'm so happy to meet another people from the same hometown . Then, This semester's subjects are also interesting, though we got so many assignments then :( .

Oh, before I forget, looks like I will be able to visit you in the end of January 2011 or in February 2011. I'm thrilled just to think that I'm going to meet you! Pray for my arrival there, please. *finger crossed*

Last thing I need to say to you is:

Please never forget about me, because the worst thing for me is not being lonely, it's being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

*This letter is an open-letter which means that "You" can be everyone, but also can be no one (imaginary)

Talking to the Moon

2010-10-01T16:00:00.001+07:00

I know you're somewhere out there, somewhere far away.
I want you back. I want you back.
My neighbors think I'm crazy, but they don't understand you're all I have. You're all I have

At night when the stars light up my room, I sit by myself talking to the moon. Try to get to You. In hopes you're on the other side talking to me too.
Or am I a fool who sits alone talking to the moon.

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night I'm talking to the moon still trying to get to you.

I know you're somewhere out there, somewhere far away.

Everyone

2010-09-29T12:04:00.002+07:00

Dear everyone,

I would like to say something to all of you. It's not really that complicated, but since not everyone in this world deeply understand about this, I'm afraid that we'll be closer to the doomsday. Yeah, the doomsday that is created by the human itself, not by our God.

The nature of human is freedom. Why bothers then? Why we keep minding other people's business when our real business is not even finished yet?

Really, I know that the matter of freedom doesn't only happened in Indonesia, my lovely country, but also everywhere in the world, even USA still struggling with this issue.

But special for my country, I keep questioning why people are busy with personal matters and forget about public matters?

They keep fussing about how important a virginity is for girls, even having an idea of virginity interview in entrance exam for the high school student. On the other hand, they keep stealing others' money by doing some mark-up on school's fee, tax, and other things related to public needs.

Lately, there's an issue that makes me ashamed of being both moslem and Indonesian: LGBTIQ rights. OK, I know that this kind of issue is kinda sensitive, but we have to talk about it, sooner or later and like it or not. We can't deny them, they really exist. Just because they're different doesn't mean that we don't care about them right? Put yourself in their shoes then, how do you feel?

(to be continued)

Welcome September

2010-09-11T04:32:00.005+07:00

10 September : Idul Fitri
11 September : 9-11 Tragedy
22 September : My daddy's birthday

Quite many for a month. I've been thinking about birthday present for my Dad, any ideas? He loves vintage and secondhand things, but unfortunately, the branded one. So you can kick out things like Shirt, Trousers, Pen, Watch, Bag, Wallet, Cap, and Shoes. So what's left then? Ugh.

Then, talking about my feelings, lately I've been very very very gloomy. Thanks to someone, someone. *wink sarcastically*

In Indonesia, there is a song sang by Vina Panduwinata called September Ceria (Cheerful September), I always wish that I could have that kind of September, but it all diminishes as September is the beginning of the next level of gloom. I can't tell you why, but you can look at my previous posts, those reflect it all.

My favorite quote of all time, related to my gloominess is:

The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

Bye, my only hope is : he/she gonna remember me, like I remember him/her.

You Got Me High

2010-09-02T00:14:00.002+07:00

I was lost.
If only we just realize, together.
Not just ignoring what we feel and try to deny it.

We could be us.

But now, you come back and haunt me.
And when that words have been said, you've gone away.
Left me with my heart broken into pieces.

You swallow me then spit me out.

Thank You, my Dear God

2010-08-30T15:20:00.002+07:00

My dear God,

I come to you, I come to tell you about my story, even though I know that you're already know every single thing, every single though I've done in my life.

I am sad. I am doomed, God.

I don't blame You. I just feel insecure and now I think I'm lost, God.

Show me you way, I believe I have my own way to happiness.

Like my previous talk with you, I want to be strong. I want to be tough.

And if it is your way to make me tough, to make me strong, I believe I can.

This sin I've done before, I regret it, but I believe that I have a lesson to be learned.

Thank you for always give me great lessons of life, God.

I love you, even though I couldn't love you the way you love me.

Pathetic

2010-08-28T07:57:00.000+07:00

I'm craving for your love, please love me back.

Stop Dreaming

2010-08-28T07:49:00.002+07:00

Maybe I should stop dreaming.
Maybe all those things are enough for me.

But the more you give, the more I want from you.

I want to scream, out loud and tell you.
"Please stop giving" or "If you don't mind, please give me more, and more, until you're dying because of giving me all you have."

I want the second statement to be spoken by you, soon.

I Miss You

2010-08-09T01:49:00.000+07:00

A warning sign:
I missed the good part then I realized
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses

Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you, so

A warning sign:
You came back to haunt me and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover

Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so
And I'm tired I should not have let you go

Ooooooooooooooooo

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms
And I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms

Thanks to Coldplay to create such a painful song like this, for me. :c

Love from the past

2010-08-07T21:49:00.003+07:00

How far will you go for a love that you forget?

Rindu

2010-07-26T22:29:00.003+07:00

Aku tak pernah merasa begitu mengenalmu.
Dan jelas sudah bahwa kita pun tak pernah berjumpa.
Tak sekalipun. Tidak secara langsung.

Aku tahu, engkau ada.
Dan aku ada, karena engkau ada.

Namun selama ini akulah yang selalu pergi...
Menjauh, bahkan sebelum sempat mengenalmu lebih jauh.
Berbicara denganmu, bercerita tentang hal di sekitarku.

Bahkan berusaha pun tidak, apalagi untuk menggembirakan dirimu.

Dan kini tiba-tiba aku merasa rindu padamu.
Rindu yang teramat sangat, seakan-akan aku telah lama tak bersua denganmu.

Rindu yang tak tertahankan, bergejolak dalam darah, bergolak meminta bertemu denganmu.
Ya, denganmu.

Awalnya aku malu, malu mengungkap rasa rindu yang teramat sangat ini.
Takut dicerca, dihina sekitar.
Namun seperti yang telah aku katakan, rindu ini ada dalam jiwa dan ragaku.
Tak tertahankan walau terkungkung dalam topeng.

Namun ternyata topeng itu terbuat dari kaca, begitu memesona, namun begitu rapuh.
Dan kini,
Topeng itu retak, pecah satu-persatu.
Menguak isi dalam topeng yang rapuh.

Dan demikian pula rindu ini, semakin lama semakin terlihat begitu membara.

I'm Home

2010-07-25T22:53:00.002+07:00

Finally, this post may become one of my happy post ever.

There are a lot of things I would like to share.

About a trip that turned out to be a total chaos, but on the other side, it teach me about the importance of patience.

About a faith that I finally found out. A faith that I choose to live with.

But the most important thing is: Now I'm Home.

Real Home.

a Home with capital "H"

A home that is full of my beloved three people.

Three people who will be always loved by me no matter what they've done to me, bad or good.

Three people who will be always defended by me when anyone turn they down or make them sad.

Three people I can't live without.

Start

2010-07-02T11:55:00.002+07:00

Do I change? Or I just found out the different side of me which has been hidden all the time?

Or it's just the time.

Time for me to change? Or time for me to show my other side?

I start to doubt everything I used to believe.

I start thinking about somethings I would never think about.
I start being panic because I'm afraid everyone's gonna think that I'm going crazy.
I start to think that some people are just trashes - the people that I used to love.
I start to think that what I am believe now, should be believed by everyone, else go to point no. 2.
And I start to think that maybe it's just me, who doesn't fit with this kind of world I've been living all my life.

If this is temporary, I hope that I can pass it smoothly. I don't need fast, I need comprehension.

But if this is going to be forever, like FOR EVER, then I guess I shouldn't live anymore. It's just useless, right?

Sin (s)

2010-07-02T11:50:00.000+07:00

Every human has his own sin (s).
Even though they've tried hard to hide it, they still have it.

I have so many sins, even much.
I admit it, and I live with it.
I try hard not to do it, but doesn't mean I deny it.

Sin is one of the many of human's characteristics.
It makes human, human.

Without it, you're not human, you're an angel. But you're still human (physically).

Sins are made to be done by human.
Not without a reason.
I believe every little thing in this world, dead or alive, has its own reason to be exist.

And so does Sin.

How about you?

Gw Pake Kawat Gigi (lagi)

2010-06-21T04:04:00.002+07:00

Kayaknya emang hidup gw ga bisa lepas dari kawat gigi deh.

Tapi gw pasang lagi juga bukan buat gaya-gayaan doang loh (meski dicela abis-abisan sama mama). Ternyata setelah lepas satu tahun, susunan gigi bawah bagian depan gw balik seperti semula (sedikit berantakan) dan setelah gw perhatikan, itu kayaknya genetis deh. Mama, Papa, dan Abang gw susunan gigi bawah bagian depannya kayak gitu semua.

Oiya, FYI, kalo kemaren gw pasang kawat gigi sama drg. Emilia J. Siswanto, sekarang gw pasang sama temen. Yang berminat boleh komen, ntar gw kasi tau tarifnya. Sangat murah dibanding dengan pasang kawat gigi dimanapun menurut gw (yang pasang ini bukan tekniker gigi, perawat gigi, atau ahli gigi loh).

Sejauh ini, gw pake gigi gw juga mulai rapi bagian bawah depannya. :D

Foto menyusul deh.

Perspective

2010-06-07T22:04:00.000+07:00

Our life as humans will never be simple, it has been always complicated. No need to deny it, just live it.

All of our problems are not always bad. Yes, it does make us sad, gloomy, or stressful. But with all the problems, we can see how far we can endure. We can also learn to endure, to face the 'real' world.

So far, I've been living for almost 20 years, it is the first time for me to learn that you can't always get what you want. There are so many things that are beyond our reach.

Faces many people: different races, different characters.

Everyone's competing to be the Right one. Right with R capital.

But who really knows? It's God, the believers said.
But we can't see Him, only feel Him.
And everyone knows that 'Feel' is also something that we can't see. So it must be different for each person.

How each person really feels about the Right one, is often being interpreted by others as the wrong one.

So life, for me, is all about how we see it. It's about the perspective.

Who's lost?

2010-06-07T19:21:00.004+07:00

Kali ini posting dalam bahasa Indonesia aja deh, mengajak semua pengunjung blog maupun teman-teman di Facebook untuk berbagi pendapat maupun pengalaman masing-masing.

DISCLAIMER:
Post blog ini tidak bermaksud menyinggung siapapun, dan ditujukan untuk khalayak umum agar dijadikan bahan diskusi.

Sebagian besar diantara yang membaca saya yakin tentu pernah lalai dalam menunaikan ibadah agamanya masing-masing. Untuk muslim, pasti ada yang pernah lalai dalam sholat 5 waktunya, dan bagi umat kristiani pasti juga ada yang pernah tidak ikut misa mingguan, dan juga umat beragama lainnya.

Tentu tidak semua orang sangat religius dalam setiap aktivitas dalam hidupnya. Pertanyaan saya: apakah untuk berpendapat, membagi pengalaman maupun pengetahuan (walau hanya sedikit), orang tersebut haruslah orang yang 'alim'? haruskan mereka yang boleh berpendapat hanyalah orang-orang dengan dahi yang sedikit hitam? orang-orang yang berjilbab? yang selalu bertutur kata halus lembut dan memuji Tuhannya?

Untuk yang muslim misalnya, apakah semua kata-kata Kyai, Ustadz, maupun Ustadzah sudah pasti benar? Saya juga yakin pasti ada beberapa orang yang pernah membagi pengalaman/ pengetahuannya tentang agama yang kemudian dihardik (walaupun bercanda) dengan kata-kata: "emangnya kamu ustadz?" atau "pesantren dimana sih?" atau yang lebih kasar lagi "tau apa sih kamu tentang agama?".

Beda pendapat sedikit, langsung diserang dengan dibilang ajaran sesat lah, ke gereja/masjid/vihara aja jarang lah.

Alih-alih membenarkan atau mencoba memberi arahan (jika memang yang kita pikir itu benar), yang ada kita malah dihardik dan dicap sebagai orang yang 'salah' atau 'menyesatkan'.

Semua manusia itu pasti pernah khilaf, pernah salah. Tapi apakah kita harus menyikapi kesalahan sesama saudara kita (bukan hanya saudara seiman, namun sesama manusia) dengan sinis dan penuh praduga? Kalau memang begitu adanya, berarti kita sendiri adalah orang yang takabur dan berpikiran sempit.

Daripada mengejek orang, lebih baik kita bertanya kepada diri kita sendiri? Siapa sih kita? Begitu agungkah kita, sehingga kita bisa mencela orang lain yang mungkin lebih membutuhkan arahan kita daripada cercaan kita? Bercerminlah, bahwa mereka dan kita adalah sama; manusia, yang senantiasa dapat berbuat salah.

Saya yakin setiap agama selalu mengajarkan kita untuk saling membimbing sesama umat agamanya ke jalan yang Benar. Ingat, membimbing, bukan memerintah.

Disini muncullah pertanyaan: siapakah sebenarnya yang tersesat? Yang berpendapat atau yang mencela pendapat orang tersebut?

Apakah semua akan selesai dengan cercaan, ejekan, atau kutukan?

Confession of a broken heart

2010-06-02T20:58:00.002+07:00

I love you.
You (said) you love me.
You said that you care.
You said you would die for me.

But then, I know.
That I'm not the one.

I don't know how long I can take this.
Right now, I'm drowning with tears.
Never ending tears in my heart.

You hurt me, and you left the scar.
I've tried to ignore the pain, but now you open the wound again.

untitled

2010-05-27T00:09:00.002+07:00

Lately I've been gloomy. PESSIMIST; that's who I am right now. Started from a very simple, yet crucial thing that I can't explain. Please, let me whine for a while here, though it will take huge amount of words to explain it.

ENVY and JEALOUSY
I envy others who do not need more effort to achieve something. They are effortlessly brilliant, or just lucky?

I'm jealous with the 'perfects', born with beauty, raised with wealth, and live with both such great communication skills and marked A on college.

Do people like them really exist? Well, do not need to google or find them in TVs or Broadway, they are everywhere in this world. They can be your friends, sisters, brothers, or just a perfect stranger to you.

Dear You

2010-04-14T18:32:00.005+07:00

Dear E,
I know you never love me the way you love him. I know even though you say you love me, your love for me will never be as much as your love for him. But I would like you to know that I'm craving for your love and attention, all my life. I'm not mad at you, I just want to be loved as much as he is loved. It seems that every single thing I've ever done for you is never enough.

Dear I,
I know you love me. I know it. I love you too. But can you stop blaming me for the things that I didn't do? You're never be fair to me. You expect more, but you never give me more. I only expect you to give me more.

Dear A,
I'm just saying that you are the only person that I'm jealous with. You have everything that I never have and I always want. You never know the ugly truth about life, right? They hide it from you for your own good. Everybody loves you, everybody that I always want them to love me the way they love you.

Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a life. Thank you for allowing me to meet these 3 persons that are the most valuable persons in my life. Thank you for the problems, they made me strong. I don't know about Your plan for me. But, I only want to tell You: I'm tortured here, all alone. Hiding every scar and wound behind my smile. Please, make me stronger.

Galau

2010-04-14T00:46:00.005+07:00

Galau.

Kayaknya lagi 'in' banget tuh kata. Terutama di timeline twitter gw yang penuh dengan kata-kata galau. Whahaha. Oiya, kayaknya bakal stop nge-link nih blog ke fb deh. Ternyata blog gw tetep sepi, dan d FB yang rame. --"

Sekarang lagi UTS. Pagi ini ujian Citizenship; my favorite one. Tapi sempet-sempetnya gw ngepost. zzz.

Abis jujur aja, gw lagi galau.

Siklus menstruasi jadi akar semua kegalauan.

It results in sensitivity, fight, tears, and sadness.

I know you didn't mean it, but your words really mean to me.
I know you didn't want to hurt me, but you words really hurt me.
I know you love me, but if this the way you love me, than maybe I can't stand this anymore.

It's not that I don't love you anymore, I just need to take a break from this all.
Clean slate after this? Well, only if you agree with it.

Homesick

2010-03-14T13:01:00.003+07:00

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

I miss my parents...